With every day I spend abroad, away from my natural habitat, my direct family, my childhood memories and the place closest to my heart, I question the reasons that made me leave and whether they are still valid. A while back, before starting this blog, I across parable that I was reminded of a couple of days ago. It might be longer than you are willing to read, but I promise you it is worthwhile.
A businessman was at the pier of a small coastal village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. Astonished by the quality and quantity of the captured fish by a small boat of one-man-crew, the businessman initiated the following conversation.
Businessman: Great fish you’ve got there. How long did it take to catch them?
Fisherman: Only a little while.
Businessman: Why wouldn’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?
Fisherman: This is enough to support my family’s immediate needs, what is the point of surplus if I can catch this much every day?
Businessman: But what do you do with the rest of your time?
Fisherman: My days usually go like this. I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life.
Businessman: You know, I have an MBA from a prestigious university. I am an entrepreneur, venture capitalist and also a CEO. I you allow me, I would like to give you this advice since you seem to be a talented fisherman. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to a bigger coastal city, eventually to the capital, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
Fisherman: But this is my home, why should I leave home to be successful?
Businessman: Home is where you make money. You have to follow the source of income wherever it may come, and within no time, you can buy whatever makes this place your home.
Fisherman: How long will this all take?
Businessman: I would say about 15-20 years.
Fisherman: 20 years seems to be a lot of time, dedication and hard work for something that I do not really need.
The businessman laughed and said: That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.
Fisherman: Millions? That’s a lot of money. What can I possibly do with millions?
Businessman: Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.
Of course, this is a parable and not to be taken literally and simplistically, but just like most parables, it does hold a lot of truth between its words.
Reflecting on my own life, I was surrounded by two loving parents, a happy supportive larger family. I had a decent job, a brand new car, plenty of good friendships. I was able to afford most of the things I wanted. I was partying every weekend, I could afford new clothes whenever I needed. Most importantly, I enjoyed a sense of belonging, a sense of purpose.
I won’t deny, I had plenty of moments of frustration when it came to the instability, lack of implementation of the laws, of the corruption in politics, but for the most part I lived a very happy life. I will not make it so shiny and glamorous, for I did experience nepotism, I did get stuck in traffic, I was always anxious and nervous of all the political turmoil. I did experience wars, I was a few minutes and meters away from an explosion that was part of the series before the Syrian army exited Lebanon.
Despite all that, I look back and I remember how happy I was. I was content, satisfied and looking forward to enjoy life and try my best.
Here I am now, surrounded by snow and temperatures below freezing. Here I am going through life with no family around me. Here I am abroad, happy but always reminiscing. I promise myself to go back after I get enough experience, save enough money, or maybe until things get calmer back home. But I was living with all that when I was back there and I was still happy.
Why did I leave? For the most part, I think because of the promise of better opportunities abroad. I wanted to see what was out there for me, what I could accomplish. I wanted to catch more fish, buy a bigger boat, have my own fleet, with the hopes of selling all that at some point and coming back to where I started….
We all have our reasons, and we all know Lebanon is not a perfect country. Are the reasons we left for still valid? Is life that much different abroad?
I would like to hear from all the Lebanese Expatriates reading this post.
Why did you leave? How do you read the parable above?
–
Adel
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I didn’t have a choice. Moved to the states when I was about 9. The reason that I heard: better life, more of a future. Are they still valid? I do think I would have been a totally different person had I stayed and grew up there. But unfortunately, I am in this perpetual feeling that I have one foot on this land and one foot in another. But then I think about what life would be like if I had children? If do not have a chance to live “comfortably” there then how can you provide the most of possibilities and opportunities for your kids. So the reasons are still valid and present but then the question becomes: was it worth it?
you are leading to the next post I have in mind. But you let me know, is it worth it?
My fellow Lebanese expat, I understand where you are coming from on this one. I was very happy with my life back home. My friends were amazing, I partied every weekend, I could walk any place because everything was close together, I afforded the simple life but I knew that non of my long-term goals could be accomplished (home ownership, career advancement without wasta, even buying a car) and then many of my dearest friends left.
People told me not to dream too much because as a woman I would ultimately get married and the husband was supposed to provide a house/ source of income. In addition I was supposed to marry someone from my religion (not because my family expected it but becasue the family of any boyfriend I had from another religion convinced him to leave me)
I also work in the hospitality and tourism industry so every year the tourists were chased away and my tips money/ revenue premium (which constituted the major addition on my basic salary of $400) vanished into thin air.
Not to mention the constant turmoil, and daily dangers of a third world war breaking on Lebanese grounds with people taking sides and basing their decisions solely on religious affiliation.
We both know why we left although in my head I always replay the memories of the happy times and I only remember the things that living abroad lacks such as familiarity and the people dearest to me. No matter how this vision is far from reality I choose to believe that Lebanon is this happy vision simply because I comfort myself with this wishful thought.
I had no intentions to be eutopic there in my post, for all that you have mentioned are definitely good reasons for leave.
The questions is, there are plenty who still live there and are happy. They are satisfied and successful. I always wonder whether my experience and life abroad, has altered of what is considered acceptable and satisfactory anymore.
You know what I mean? I always compare it to someone who was used to the cake from the bakery next door. they savored every bite of it, until someone offered them a cake from the new bigger bakery in the next city. Now, their old bakery cake no longer satisfies their glutton…
It has a lot to do with greed or more practically, an aspiration to become better. I envy those people who continue to live in Lebanon with considerable peace of mind, but I can no longer do that. I felt stuck to the life I had and saw no room to change or better myself unless I left. You know?
I left a small fishing village where the fishermen fought for the size of the fish. This village had weird rules, where the fisherman is implied and restricted to a predefined fish size. More over, each fisherman had a restricted fishing area and cannot cross to another fisherman spot. I always wondered why? even though the sea surrounding the village is so huge and can provide fish to all the village, therefore there was no need to predefine and put rules on the fish size and the fishing area. One day, When I was 16, I was walking in the forest near by the village with my guitar and amigos. I saw a huge ancient monument graved within the rock where a giant was holding the rules which governed the village and dictated the fish size and the area. This god was named “sectarious” … Therefore, when i was 18 I left the village to another one where the fish size and fishing area are shared among fishermen, and have been fishing for 9 years now ….
Charbel
Great comment.
Thank you for your imagination and for playing along the lines. Care to be a co-author.
One thing is for sure, while some fishermen like to cast their poles in the water close by, others want more so they take their boats and cast their nets in the middle of the ocean. Some are not satisfied with one ocean, but cross all seven seas.
“sectarious” is one nasty bastard, i tell u that. He does have moles working for him everywhere though, but lebanon seems to be his headquarters.
I hope u r getting ur fair share of the fruits of the sea wherever you are.
Hello Adel, long time reader first time to comment. When I read your article to be honest I started to look left and right because I felt that you were talking to me and describing my feelings exactly. What you are talking about here is absolutely right and at the end of the day we will all retire to our fishing villages. But there is something you have missed about the human psycology which might help explain our situation and make it clearer. People tend to romanticise their memories and make their history more attractive. If you forgot the constant life threat for multiple reasons when we lived in Lebanon , I didn’t. If you forgot that Lebanese people each had to be their own country and get water electricity and every other service on their own, i did not forget. If you forgot that you have to be connected to have basic rights in Lebanon, well this one I will never forget.
You see Lebanon is a great place if you don’t know anywhere else, but when you leave and see how people have rights and responsibilities in other countries then you will know why you had to leave, it was not always economical, the main reason was survival and to survive in a degnified way. I would like to end by saying Lebanon is th greatest place on earth if and only if we start acting like Lebanese. Adel I really enjoy your blog keep up the good work
To get out of my cave and experience new things in life.
Hello, let me introduce myself first before I can answer your question. I am partly Lebanese, well mostly, really. I was born and raised in Saudi and left it to attend college in Beirut; throughout those years Beirut was always a dream (I only started visiting it regularly when I turned 13 due to family problems), a haven, even utopia. I was utterly obsessed with it. Until I lived there.
It broke my heart and expectations into pieces. Most of my family was residing there, while growing up, my brother and I were always excluded from having a real family and we were only relevant when we visited. Perhaps I met the wrong people, or it was the wrong timing, I am not sure. But Lebanon ages an individual (and I’m pretty young), teaches you a lot (which I am thankful for), but would I want my own children to be raised there? no. I love it, I love its streets, people, friends, places and my childhood obsession is still lingering.
Now, Im in Dubai, it bitterly showed me everything Beirut lacks, and should have, because it deserves it. Beirut demands a certain mind set, that I don’t have, and I don’t want to have. Basic services are served to you in half, after paying more than double; the political and religious manipulation is overwhelming; the lack of authority, regulations and the dominant philosophy of most Lebanese people unnerves me.
But yes, I often find myself re-considering all the reasons I left, and they all make sense. I guess, it’s just out emotions, the irrational love that we have towards that land overwhelms us. It only adds to my identity crisis, because after all this time, I am still an outsider in Lebanon and in Saudi (especially that I carry the Saudi passport ONLY).
Sorry for the long comment, I thank you for your post, it is a great great one.
Not to jump on your turf, this is a post (questions) I asked Lebanese expats a year ago (before I make the leap myself), and I suggest you read the first post. http://blog.funkyozzi.com/2012/02/questions-to-lebanese-expats.html
I am actually glad you shared that Liliane, this is the whole purpose I started this blog, to connect with other Lebanese out there.
The post you pointed out is actually what I was thinking of following this post with, so I might borrow some of your questions.
so did you write that post before leaving Lebanon?
Yep, I was still thinking about whether I should or shouldn’t. Obviously I don’t regret it. I do miss people, and now I am going to be closer so I can see them more, but I don’t see myself in Lebanon, not before a while at least.
I loved the parable Adel, you always seem to capture what I am feeling in words. I too had a good life in Lebanon, but most of that was because of my parent’s success, they managed to put me and my brother in good schools and provide a life where we wanted for nothing. I left because I realized that if I were to stay, I would not be able to offer my future children the same opportunities. Maybe I chose the wrong major, who knows, but for whatever reason, I don’t think th at I would be able to provide for myself and start a family and live comfortably with the fish that Lebanon is offering. I wanted to get the bigger boat (more education, experience) so that when I do come back I will be able to catch those fish that will help me live sustain-ably comfortable.
Also, that comment on Liliane’s blog, wow! The longer you stay away from Lebanon, the less you remember the bad things and the more you remember “how your house smells like when your mom bakes that delicious cake or the smell of the first time it rains, those people who still remember you when you pass by their shops, your old possessions that are left untouched in your room, the pure Lebanese food experience, the scenery that you grew up around..”
Once again, great post, thanks Adel!
Eleena, thank you for being such a dedicated follower and always supporting my work…
I completely agree with you and almost all the comments posted, but I start to think: Is this human nature where we start to convince ourselves that we cannot live there anymore, especially after we experienced better conditions…
I mean, there are thousands of people who decide to stay back in Lebanon and are happy with their decisions.
That’s very possible. I mean I am sure many expats will tell you we live with a certain amount of guilt for leaving Lebanon, and maybe we try to alleviate our guilt with our conviction of all those reasons. I tend to think that most people who have the ability to leave Lebanon, do, for some time at least…
Adelnehmeh if you don’t mind me asking what did you do for a living (decent job) in Lebanon and how much did it pay?. Thank you.
Throughout college, I did various jobs, mainly teaching, and making more than $1,000 per month which was more than enough for a college student. By the way, my parents did not pay my tuition.
Before leaving I was working as an engineer and I was making between $1,000 and $1,500.
I kindly ask that you reply and let me know why you may be asking and what my answer means to you.
Thanks
I was asking because I don’t know what a decent wage in Lebanon is. My answer means that if you had a decent job it may be posssible that there are other jobs out there that pay well. Hopefully if I decide to move there this summer I may find a job and a decent one in Zgharta or near. Thank you.
Zgharta would be different.
No decentralization in Lebanon, so I would not expect ample job opportunities in the villages..
Adel, great insight on life. It remineds me of a saying that I used many years ago. That is to be a Lebanese living away from Lebanon is like being married to the world’s most beautiful hooker.
That is a good analogy herair. Except, in our case, we are the ones getting screwed…